Dear Family,
I Don's specifically address this letter to any of you for it will be my last entry as a description of what has happened. I feel my end draws near and if by some magic, death escapes me I feel this place has become my home. The last of us, Kat, was killed on our way back to the infirmary. He was shot in the calf and I carried him on my shoulders back to camp only to find while I was transporting him a stray shard had gone through his neck. My existence now is only for what little I can do now for my country. Fresh troops from America and Britain are storming our trenches. We are running low on supplies and it's only a matter of time before we are overrun. If I fail in holding what we have left before the war is over let it be known that I am done. Nothing fulfils me any longer. If we were to enter peace time now, I would have no reason to exist. I embrace the only peace I know.
Love,
Paul
Song:
"No Reason to Exist"
Lost
When the storm hits, you will leave this
Awake
Time will pass through, and break you
Broken, or so you say
Nobody bought that fable anyway
So calloused, and so naïve
To wear a heart of fiction on your sleeve
Bury every sign of life in filth and hollow trend
And push against progression on the path of logic’s end
Like tears flowing upward
Lost, an aimless soul
When the storm hits, you will leave this
Awake to wasted days
Time will pass through, and break you
This wreckage you’ll never be
If you were raised in Hell you’d own the sea
Don’t tell me it’s not your choice
You sold a blessed future for some noise
Bury every sign of life in filth and hollow trend
And push against progression on the path of logic’s end
Like tears flowing upward
Lost, an aimless soul
When the storm hits, you will leave this
Awake to wasted days
Time will pass through, and break you
With every waking second you front, another real life loses ground
Ten thousand arms outstretched and you have the nerve to strike them all
No reason to coexist?
No reason to exist
"Fading Away"
It's in this wake that I find myself
Losing the will to resume this hell
When every breath is a dying wish
It's harder to follow the point of this
This broken place that I call my home
Is deep in the sorrow that I have sewn
And i can't erase what is in my heart
I wanted to finish before it starts
My own solution in discretion again
Our false solution is devoured in dread
Our own solution giving rein to it's head?
and open my face to the darkened sky
I've been fading away
I've been waiting for a call to reach my veins
Ready or not
No attention to waist
Every sorrow of the soul will reap my name
When I cease to exist
Now I've come to a final sleep
I pray that forgiveness is mine to keep
I know it's hard to forgive this man
Driving the failure into your hands
When I cease to exist
I thought these two songs fit paul well in different ways. The first "No Reason to Exist" would be a combination of him confronting the failing "authority" figures in his life with frustration-trying to make them realize that ultimatly, reality breaks through any organized system of control; and the realization that he is now numb to everything but war forming his identity in what will become his death. The second "Fading Away" would be Paul realizing that where he is will get him no where and that he is forced into the dead end of a losing battle against his will and that by now it's to late to make any change. Locked on facing reality and breaking away from ignorance which is called "bliss."
Artwork:
Reality....
Once he reaches the front reality becomes the center of Paul's life. He realizes the narrowing of his destiny through the war and that the last thing left to meet him is indeed, a dead end. Thrust into this through the manipulation of his will at the glorification of service through war; the plain of reality becomes the foundation of his life. what he doesn't realize is that we suffer internal wars everytime we make a decision. These wars just as epic as the physical one he partakes in and grows to embrace. So if war only leads to a dead end and we wage war everyday through our thinking then what is it we intend to accomplish trying to win at life? Life is war, so why do we go through it trying to win... when winning is the end?